And....here we go. Last chemo treatment, two more weeks of pain. Almost to the end, but even now, it feels out of reach.
I don't quite know how to feel right now (could be all the steroids I'm hopped up....why oh WHY do people actually enjoy the feeling of being on drugs? PS, total side note, I'm so far removed from that kind of stuff that during one of my initial meetings with my doctors a few months ago, they tried to politely ask me if I was doing any illegal drugs....and I didn't even understand what they were talking about! All the nice, beat-around-the-bush ways they tried to ask went right past me! I guess I don't know all the code words. Dave finally just looked at me and said, "they want to know if you do crack." Then the nurse, trying not to laugh, said, "I think I have my answer already."
Anyway, the following is a song I have been listening to - my absolute favorite part is, "You never said it would be easy /You only said I'd never go alone." Wow. I'll never go through life alone. God will be there with me through chemo, through the pain that comes in the next few days, through the radiation, and through each step of my life.
If You Want Me To
By Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
ya oh oh no
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to
Alright....here I go!