Tuesday, May 11, 2010

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer"

This round has been tough.  I've had a lot of trouble being able to sleep due to the pain, and being so tired just makes everything else feel worse.  My hands and feet have only had occasional burning and tingling this time, for which I am very thankful.  It still hurts when the tingling hits, but at least it's not constant this time.  The part that is constant, however, is the muscle and bone pain.  Even after upping my pain meds, my entire body hurts.

I finished my shots for this round, which means I only have 3 left.  My sharps container is getting pretty full, so it's a good thing I'm almost done!

I know I'm getting close to the end of chemo.  It just doesn't feel like I'm quite close enough.  I know that pretty soon I'll start feeling better, but it's still hard to see past the pain right now.  Even so, on May 21st I'll have my last round injected.  By the end of May, I won't be in nearly as much pain.  By the first week of June, I'll probably start getting at least a little energy back.  But right now, it's only May 11, and June still seems so far away.   At this moment, it's hard to see past the fact that it's 1am, and I'm in so much pain I can hardly stand it.  But, this too shall pass.

I have been meditating on a few verses over the last few days - one of which I've included below.  I have fallen in love with the Psalms all over again - they are so rich in comfort, and are filled with such strong words of trust.  There are times when I simply don't have the words on my own, but I can go to the Psalms and pray through the verses I find there.
Psalm 18:1-3, 28-32
I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
       my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
       He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
       and I am saved from my enemies....

...You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
       my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
       with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect;
       the word of the LORD is flawless.
       He is a shield
       for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the LORD ?
       And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
       and makes my way perfect.

Here are a few prayer requests:
  • That God would give me strength to get through these last few weeks
  • That the pain would be manageable 
  • For Dave - it's hard for him to see me in so much pain and not be able to "fix" it

1 comment:

  1. Kelli-
    I hate that you are having so much pain through this whole process. My good friend Kristin had the pain through her last chemo too and is now starting to feel much better and get all her energy back. I think about you often and am sending lots of prayers up for you. You are amazing and June will be here before you know it. Hang in there girl...you are almost done! Sending lots of love and prayers. Keep fighting like a girl!
    Katie Mangan