Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Patience is a virtue, just not one of mine (yet).

This past week has seemed especially difficult to wait for our children.  I have struggled more than usual with not knowing where they are, who they are, or how many I'll get to meet at once.  I have wanted to do something, anything, to find a way to control the situation and move things forward, but there's not a single thing I can do to make that happen.  I have not wanted to wait for God's timing.

Earlier this week, I noticed that the seeds I planted a few weeks ago had still not sprouted.  Feeling completely frustrated that NOTHING seemed to be moving along like I wanted, I was ready to scrap the plants and start over.  If they didn't want to grow, fine.  I'd find a way to make it happen.  I went out, got new seeds, and was going to try starting them today.

When I went to grab the pots with the stubborn seeds (that's right, it's the seeds that are stubborn....not me, of course...), I found this:

I promise you those sprouts were not there last night.  But it was a humbling reminder that God works in his own timing.  And when it comes to the adoption process, God will make that move in His timing too.  It's not my place to find a way to force the process to happen.  My job is to prepare as best I can, and trust that God will work things for our good and His glory.


I'm really not very good at this patience thing.   My prayer has that God uses this time in my life to refine me, to draw me closer to Him.  And I think that might mean that I have to trust more, worry less, and have patience.

Many people have heard Jeremiah 29:11:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I like this verse - it's comforting to me to know that God has a plan, that he's in control.  But I like the verse so much better in context, with the next 2 verses after it:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I think that's the point of the refining process - to be drawn to the Lord, to teach me to come to God with everything, to pray to him, and to seek Him with all of my heart.  And I'm working on trying to be thankful for this part of the process - to be glad that God has a purpose and a plan, and to be thankful to have this opportunity to be refined.

And now, I'm off to go plant more seeds - but I'll use fresh pots, and leave the seeds I already planted alone to grow at their own pace.

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