I have been radiated...or something like that

Well, 1 down, 32 to go.  Radiation started today, and it wasn't too bad!  I made the horrible mistake of looking at photos online of breast cancer radiation (I will spare you the trauma by not providing links...), and I think they put burn victims there instead of radiation patients....it looked horrifically painful and....just awful.  So, by the time I got to my appointment today, I was half-expecting flames to come shooting out of the machine.  I guess chemo didn't dull my imagination down at all!  Anyway, thankfully there were no flames, and it was pretty low-key.  

I still do not like being strapped down to the board, but this was at least much quicker than the mapping appointments, and maybe by the time I've had 20 of these, I'll be more used to it.  At any rate, it's so much better than chemo that I can't complain too much.  I'll have radiation 5 days a week for 33 days, so I think my last time will be July 29. I'm looking forward to it!

Speaking of chemo, it has been a little over 3 weeks now since my last treatment - and I am so thankful!  Every day, I think about the fact that I am done and and I am so thankful.  I am still very, very tired - even though I get a little bit of energy back as time goes on, I still have to take a lot of breaks.  I still get a little achy more easily, but I think that is in part because I'm moving around a lot more, and my muscles are having to get used to being up off the couch again!  This past weekend, I was able to feel a little bit more like I had a "normal" life - I went out for coffee, ran errands, baked bread and muffins, and did stuff around the house that I had been wanting to do.  Even though I had to rest a lot, it felt so good to be able to do those kinds of things again!

My fuzz is getting longer and thicker - even Dave said he could tell a difference!  I showed the nurse today at radiation, she seemed impressed. :)  It's still pretty light, but I'm still just excited to have anything!  To my dismay, I still have no eyelashes, nor any signs of them coming in, but I'm still looking forward to them coming back.  Hopefully soon.  And, my eyebrows are starting to show signs of coming back in!  They're not here yet, but they're on their way. 

Best. Husband. Ever.

Guess what my husband did for me?  Dave brought me home PEACHES!  And, as it turns out, my fuzz is slightly more noticable than the fuzz on this particular set of peaches.  Woo hoo!  And, as a bonus, that sweet man brought home cherries too!  He even cut up some peach slices for me, because for whatever reason, I am exhausted  today.  Oh well, hopefully tomorrow I will have more energy.  If not, there's always coffee!

Anyway, I love fruit, and I love my husband! (and honest - those truly are two separate statements!!!).

I wish I had some peaches

Well, I had my radiation appointment today.  It went better than I expected!  Dave went with me, which was nice for two reasons.   First, it was nice to have someone else to take in the information and try to remember to ask the right questions.  Second, I got a flat tire on the way to work this morning, so I couldn't have driven myself anyway. 

First, let me say that I really, really like my radiologist.  A lot.  I feel like a human being when I'm in his office, and while that may sound weird, it's means so much to me.  We talked for quite awhile, about side effects, cancer, drugs, etc.  Then we got to the BIG question.  Tattoos.  He said he for sure wanted me to get them, that it was just standard.  Then I had a complete breakdown.  Tears and all.  I tried so hard not to, but I pretty much just lost it.   He was so nice through it all.  I know that some of you may probably wonder why in the world three little grey dots were such a big deal to me, but somehow, they just were.  There have been SO many things out of my control in the last few months.  So many things that I've given up, or have just been taken from me.  I could go through the whole list (like I did today in his office....), but after 9 scars that I couldn't control in the last 5 months, adding 3 more dots was just about more than I could handle.  So....to cut the story short, Dr. I said I could get the sticky things!  To tell you what a big deal that was, the person that did the CT scan said I was one of 2 of Dr. I's patients she'd ever seen get to have the sticky things.  And he's been a doctor for a long time.

The CT scan was super weird.  It wasn't a whole tube that I had to get stuck in, it was shaped more like a giant donut.  But that's not the weird part.  You stuck in a hospital gown, and you have to lay on this bench thing, both your hands have to go above your head and hold on to these handles, and they strap your feet down.  It's to help you hold still, but the combination of it all felt really strange, and kind of vulnerable.  I was still nervous enough, and felt weird enough, that I asked a bunch of questions.  I wondered if there would be a point where I would drive them crazy, but they were really nice. 

Anyway, I have a followup appointment next Thursday to make sure they have all the right places mapped out, then I start actual radiation on Monday the 14th.  I am looking forward to it, because the sooner I start, the sooner I will be DONE!!!

In other news, my hair is starting to grow back!!!!!  It's super fine, and it's only a little tiny bit, but I am ecstatic.  It looks like the fuzz on a peach.  About the same length too, but I'm just thrilled to see anything on my head!  I look at it all the time, and just smile. No eyelashes yet (and I am officially out.  No eyelashes whatsoever) or eyebrow regrowth, but I am hopeful that it will be soon.

I'm still super tired, and sore from my last chemo, but I am slowly feeling a little better.   It's so encouraging just knowing that I don't have to go back for chemo this Friday!  In previous rounds of chemo, I always hated knowing that just when I was starting to feel better, I'd have to go back in to get more drugs.  I can't think of words to describe the relief I feel whenever I think about not having to get chemo this Friday! I'll just keep feeling better and better. 

Also, I have been thinking about the peach fuzz on my head so much that I have now made myself hungry for peaches.  

Here we go again....

Well, round 7 is underway.  The actual chemo went pretty well - in fact, I even got some good news at my doctor's appointment!  I managed to bargain my way into only having to take 3 shots these last two rounds!  I was pretty excited for that. 

What I'm not excited about is the next few days, when I will most likely be in extreme pain again.  I am dreading that in a way that I am unable to describe.  However, at the moment a couple of ibuprofen are taking care of the pain, and my feet and hands aren't tingling or burning yet, for which I am very thankful.

One more thing - on one hand, my eyelashes are nearly gone, and my eyebrows completely thinned out, but I think the peach fuzz on my head is getting just a little thicker!  And I do mean just a little bit - but I'm glad to see any sign of my hair coming back!

Mentally, emotionally, I am just ready for chemo to be over and done with.  A month from now, I will be starting to feel better.  I'm truly looking forward to the end of May, and only God's strength will get me through the rest of this month.

I'll keep you posted on how this round goes.  Thank you all for your prayers, you encouragement, and your support - it means so much.

Chemo delivers yet another kick.

Well, the day has come.  Actually, it came yesterday, I just was too traumatized to blog about it then.  But, I am very nearly bald.  It's true.  And yet, when you see me next, I'll have long hair.  That's because, while I lost most of my hair yesterday, I also got my wig! 

I had my head shaved to make going bald easier, and I'm so glad I did.  I didn't want to wake up with huge clumps of hair on my pillow, and my hair was starting to look pretty dead and lifeless anyway.  My scalp is really tender from the chemo, so getting "buzzed" was no picnic, but now the wig fits really nicely.  It's almost a perfect match in color. 

I was thinking about that verse in the Bible about the hairs on your head being counted.  Hang on, I'll find it....here we go.

Luke 12: 6-7
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

 Well....the counting of my hairs will certainly be easier, but then I was also reminded that God knows exactly how many will grow back, too.  And aside from my hair, I am worth so much to my heavenly Father.  I love that.

I got a very lovely package in the mail the other day - it was from Knots of Love, a really great organization that donates hats to chemo patients (or anyone else with a life-threatening disease).  They've given over 41,000 hand-made hats away!  They gave me a sleep hat (the pink one), and two more for me to wear.  I wore the blue one to chemo today!

 

Sorry about the low-res cell phone pic.  Didn't have the energy to get out the real camera! Anyway, if you know someone who could use a cap, or really like to knit, you should check them out!  Christine, the lady who started it all, sent a hand-written note with the hats, and has been incredibly kind to email back and forth with.  Knots of Love has been amazing to work with!

Anyway, I'm not very excited about being bald.  But, it's part of chemo, and for me right now, part of life. However the wig and the hats are sure helping!  By the way, when you see me next, you'll know it's not my hair, because you read this.  I know sometimes it's hard to know what to say, but trust me, I already know I'm bald and wearing a wig, so it's ok to say something. :)